


when life gives you lemons

by znake



Category: Dragon Ball, Homestuck, Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Sadstuck, Slow Burn, au where sonic may or may not still be a hedgehog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-02-14 11:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13006890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/znake/pseuds/znake
Summary: after being sent to find a supposed other saiyen, goku finds sonic working in a chain restaurant. will love bloom against the odds? will chichi get herself a girlfriend? will gamzee become gunzee? who knows! not me.





	1. finding you

**Author's Note:**

> when life gives you lemons you produce sonic/goku fanfiction because lifes a little bitch

A humble minimum wage, exhausted, stressed out Sonic was minding his own business at the Knuckles: beat the meat till you get sweet drive thru, when a lambourghini suddenly drove up in front of him. «Why would someone rich enough to own a dank ass car like that come to this kinda shitty joint?» he thought to himself, leaning out to take the client’s order.  
We see the scene in slow motion, as the lambogenie’s window slowly begins to roll down. A young man, presumably no older than 20, pulls down his shades and tilts his head slightly, his pointy black hair staying stifly in place. he stares at the menu for a brief moment, but to soinc, this moment feels like eternity, as he feels his heart begin to pound at the speed of sound. “i’ll have the, uh, beat meat #69 combo please?” «oh yeah sure thatll be uhhhh……………………… 0.00042 bitcoins please«

as soniac hands over the triple deluxe extra special quadruple patty fiesta, his hands brush with those of the strager, and he feels himself blush. his heart beats faster. «damn any faster and i will have to go get that checked out huh» but before the handsome man can say thank you, a sudden earthquake shatters the world in half. sonique, realising what has happened, immidiaterly bursts into action «that drated robotoniq! back at it again with ruining my chances at a normal job or a nice one night stand!!» as he had slid his number into the strangers bag. «FUCK YOU» sonik yelled and turned super sonic.

at the same time, in his car, the stranger pulled off his shades in shock. another saiyen was alive? his intel was obviously not wrong, but how could this be? he would have to ask vegetal as soon as he got back. but in the mean time, there was something obviously wrong happening here. the blue haired speedster had taken off, but goku wasnt sure if this was a foe he oculd face. after all, even he had had trouble oh wait never mind the dudes’s fine. damn he is quick huh. goku thought to himself. “well, i guess ill enjoy this borger!” and as he reached in, he felt a piece of paper and pulled it out only to read the others number. goku smiled. it was a good thing he and chichi’s marriage was simply one of convience, seeing how she was a lesbian and he was just… not into that. time for a first date.

\--------------------------  
in the background, we see a poor, lonely clown. gamzee had always been in love ith sonic, and today was the day he was going to confess.


	2. gunzee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plot thiccens as gamzee makes a plan and also snioc and goku make a plan too i guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who the fuck is gamzee aint he like, that clown bitch from it. 
> 
> also. song rec while reading this: mans not hot by big shaq

a couple days had passed, prolly like 3. times not real lads so jot that down. goku had finally been able to muster up the courage to call the handsome bluenette that may or may not be a saiyen. he didnt even know his name but he wanted to know more about him. Was this what is called, love at first site, as the kids say these days?

“hello, uhm, my name is goku, i found your number in my bag from knuckles: beat your meat and die a couple days ago. i saw you beat up that robot and well… i was wondering if we could, see each other?”

there was a moment of silence as sonique processed what the handsome stranger said. «oh fuck yeah of course uh where do you wanna go? theres a really good pub near by its called ‘rouge the bat is hot asf but im not a furry’. you heard of it?«

and just like that a date was set. but todays chapter does not focus on our two lovebirds. instead, lets focus on a little known character from an obscure series known as ‘housestuck’. 

gamzee mcfuck used to be a mime, before he learned that all his mime skills had no use in the real world. so he turned to a life of crime and became the orlds most absolute silent theif. he used his skills for evil and stole a whole lotta stuff, but found no love because he was an asshole. but then one day something changed.

gamzee first met soinic when he first took up the job at knuckles: my meat is beating me please help me for the love of god. sinic was his mentor, and taught him the basics. in that moment, gamzee fell hard. so he did the only thing he was good at and started to stalk him

using his magic ears he overheard the conversation and immidiately became enraged after all snioc was his and his alone. he would take this man out and bathe in his blood or wahtever it is mimes do to celebrate their kills. 

that night he pulled out his trusted sniping rifle, scout tf2, and made his plan. he would stop the man before the two met up so taht snion would thing he was stood up and hate the other guy even if gunzee couldnt kill him.

After all, Sonic was his, and his alone. And nothing could change this. No one could change this. Not even an alien, not even a god. Gamzee would kill Goku.


	3. rouge à levres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do not know how to write the word immidiately and do not wish to be corrected. also i hope people still wanna read this.

goku had never been good at romance. hell, 42 volumes in and he still barely knew what ‘marriage’ was. but for some reason, unfathomable as it may seem, he truly wanted to make this stranger happy. well, not stranger anymore. he even knew his name ! Sonik T. Hedgehog.

As the youngish man pulled up to Rouge’s “not a furry! just like tits” pub he sweat a little bit and straightened his back. He held his bouquet tightly, worried that it was maybe a bit too much for a first date. Should he put them back in his car? But what if something happened and Soinc came with him into his car and saw them? Could he give them to him then? 

Well, the likelihood of anything coming from this was so low that he may as well just put them away. He didn’t want to ruin his chances, after all. He placed the flowers carefully back in the car, noting that he could always give them to Chichi when he got home. Even if their marriage wasn’t necessarily one built on love, it was built on friendship and trust, and who doesn’t want to give their friends a couple flowers from time to time?

He finally ventured inside the pub, and breathed a sigh of relief as he looked around at the attire of the other customers. He had forsaken his business casual work look for something far more casual and comfortable. His orange and grey sleeveless hoodie stood out only slightly for the colour, and his build didn’t look out of place among the truckers and other men frequenting this place. 

He heard a shout from behind him and turned around to see the bluenette, perched on a bar stool. Goku immidiately felt relief wash over him as he saw that the other man looked equally as nervous. He made his way through the crowd to head over to the bar.

‘hewwo i’m very sorry it took me this long to get here but traffic was… not great so sorry’  
“Don’t even worry about it! I only just got here myself!” Goku knew this was a lie without even using his saiyen senses. The man had not one but 5 empty glasses in front of him. Goku had even tried to get here early but the other man had obviously surpassed him in terms of speed.

But as Goku pulled out the flowers from behind his back and went to sit down, a single bullet shot out of the crowd and hit goku in the heart.


	4. my mom says youre a fucking weenie, so jot that down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im not gunna waste my. shot. throw em back boyos! gangam style!

‘HES F*CKING DEAD’ sonic yelled into the crowd. ‘PLASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IS ANYONE A DOCTOR!’ his swear bleeped itself out, as silence washed over the bar. The flowers the saiyen had brought were now covered in blood, tainting the yellow roses an orange-brown colour. 

Suddenly, a single hand raised up from the crowd, shaking, as a voice Sonic knew well rang through. 

“i HaVe FiRsT aId TrAiNiNg. I tHiNk I cAn SaVe HiM .” There, wearing the instagram worthy makeup he had now gained a cult following for, was Gamzee Makara. Sonic sighed with relief at the sight of someone familiar, but, he supposed, not too familiar. But not too… not familiar… Anyway. “Please help this man” he said through his tears, “Someone just f*cking shot him!” He inwardly cursed his E for Everyone rating as the cusses bleeped themselves out. No one wanted to date someone who couldn’t even swear without some god intervening. 

Gamzee leaned over the body, and put his ear to the man’s mouth. Sonic could have sworn he heard him curse. “hE ‘ s StIlL aLiVe, BuT nOt FoR lOnG.” But before the clown could even finish his sentence, Sonic was gone, speeding through the streets of New Donk City, heading to the nearest hospital he could think of. Optimus Prime’s Center for Ball Slapping And Living’s sign flashed ahead of him, and Sonic knew what he had to do.

\----

Goku was in critical condition, but he would live. In the meantime, Sonic tried to find some way to contact any friends or family, mostly through Goku’s Facebook. He found a certain ‘Chichi’ mentioned, but her home was listed as ‘hell’ and he had absolutely no idea how to contact her other than through FaceBook Messenger. So he held his breath and got ready to share the bad news.

“…Yes? Who is this?  
— Hello, my name is, uh, Sonic The Hedgehog and well, I was hanging out with Goku and oh god I’m not sure how to say this but he’s in the hospital. He’s in critical condition. He was… shot.  
— I’m headed over right now.”

The call abruptly ended, as Sonic was about to explain his relationship with the other man. He just hadn’t been fast enough, he supposed. That was becoming a common theme in his life, and one he didn’t like at all. 

The door to the hospital room creaked open as the doctor and nurse walked in. The doctor he recognised, a staple of the OPCfBSAL, Dr. Cronus. Alongside him, a grim-faced younger woman, who’s namecard was just barely hidden by her folders. “Hello, Sonic. We have some, bad news for you about this gentleman. But before that, let me introduce you to my new assistant, Vriska (Vriska).”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no clue who tf cronus is and this entire chapter was just build up to a vriska joke. who is your god now?


	5. the ting goes skrr pap pap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> «This card simply signifies, in any subject you're inquiring about, "giving up all that is superficial and concentrating on what is basic, fundamental and truly important" in the specific matter you're asking about.»

Goku was in stable condition. Or at least… he had been. But something had happened. It was like he didn’t want to come back from death. Sonic was scared. He didn’t want someone to die because of him. Not again. But as the doctors calmly told him and Goku’s… wife the news, he had to forcibly stop himself from crying. The woman, however, stood strong, and thanked the doctors before gesturing to Sonic to follow her.

She sighed and slumped down in a chair right outside the hospital room. “I suppose I should introduce myself. I’m Chichi. I’m Goku’s wife, but only on legal terms. He’s already told me about you so don’t worry about me. You’re Sonic, right? Thank you so much for taking care of him.” She smiled up at him meekly. Sonic didn’t really know what to say, “Well, uhm, I-I’m so sorry! If it weren’t for me… If he hadn’t come on that date… he could… he wouldn’t be-” 

Chichi suddenly stood up and hugged him. “It’s okay. I understand. But don’t worry, we can fix this. You can help me fix this.” Sonic looked up at her in confusion. “But how? Do you know a doctor who could bring him back from this??” 

“Not exactly. But this isn’t the first time this has happened. Tell me, Sonic, have you ever heard of the ‘Chaos Balls’?”

Of course Sonic knew about them. 10 years back, when the great merge had happened, he had seen them. He was holding the Chaos Emeralds when, suddenly, they were gone. And the world shook and the 7 Chaos Balls were formed from the union between worlds. Many thought it was myth, but… Sonic knew better. “You couldn’t mean… We summon the great god to bring him back?” Chichi nodded, a smile growing on her face. “I knew you would understand. I know this is a lot to ask, but… there’s only so much I can do alone. Will you help me? Help me save Goku?” 

Without thinking Sonic nodded and kept nodding and reached to pull Chichi into a tight embrace. Tears dripped down his face as he thanked the gods. Together, they would save Goku. 

But first, they needed a team. A team that was brave, kinnable, young, and stupid enough to risk their lives in search of the Chaos balls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of part I of this. Fic? Series? Anyways. From here on out I might actually try or something and make each chapter longer. I'm open to making it back like how my older fics were? So just lmk in the comments. Or slap me if you see me irl. Just tryin something new. Also tell me what charas you wanna see… at this point anything goes… god im not used to writing normal things. Should I make each chapter longer? Kill me and let me know.


End file.
